The Artist Way | Week 3 & 4.
“Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself. [...] You are capable of great things on Tuesday, but on Wednesday you may slide backward. This is normal. Growth occurs in spurts. You will lie dormant sometimes. Do not be discouraged. Think of it as resting. ”
Week 3 was a shit show. Let’s start there. I had absolutely no motivation. There were no great epiphanies, no shifts, no excitement. I was just stuck.
I did manage to do my Morning Pages, and I completed my Artist Date (visited an Old Prison & Gallery in Hong Kong). But everything else felt sluggish and, honestly, depressing as all hell.
I didn’t even know how to articulate how I was feeling. I still (a week later) have no idea what the issue was. I was just bored. Bored with The Artist Way and Bored with Myself.
Funny, Week 3 is called “Recovering a Sense of Power”. HA! At no time did I feel powerful.
But, just from very quickly reviewing the chapter, I can see that it’s okay and that this is all part of the process.
That’s new for me. “Think of it as resting”. Resting has always = chilling out, purposefully taking some time for yourself. It’s a revelation to think that when my mind/body/soul just can’t do it, when I’ve “given up”, when I’ve taken a step back (against my own wishes), I am instead taking the time I need to re-establish my footing.
So I guess I did have an epiphany, it just took me a couple of weeks to find it.
Week 4. Has been much better! It was Deprivation Week, which was mildly concerning. I thought that it was going to be a real struggle, and while I love to moan (Maddie is my witness), it was actually brilliant!
Deprivation Rules:
No TV/Films from home
No Reading (books/news/articles)
No Social Media (including dating apps)
No music with headphones (only on record player/speaker)
The whole point of this was to limit your amount of consumption and start creating more.
I was really busy this week, so there wasn’t much time to do “arty” things. But I did write so much more. I’d get up in the morning and write from 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. Some days I was in an instant flow, other days it took some time before the creative juices were moving. Lesson learned? Your job is to show up on the page. You’re friendly genius* will take care of the rest.
But other aspects of Reading Deprivation took it to a whole new level. I was sleeping better! I was more present! I had more energy! It was less about the big chunks of time and more about the little fifteen-minute intervals, where you were waiting to leave the house (a prime time for scrolling through Instagram), or transitioning between writing and admin work, or sitting on the Subway.
Instead, the world came a little more alive, and I think I was connecting more to myself and how I was feeling. On the flight back from Germany, I just sat and thought. Rather than distracting myself with consumption, I was conscious of what I was thinking.
“Marta 💜: I find that such a fascinating concept and it’s made me think of you… your sexuality, your gender expression, the expansion you have been finding in challenging what’s expected of you (in your haircut, in your personality, in your sexual sphere, in your role in the world)”
Also, Marta messaged me about Lorde’s new song (which I could probably write a dissertation about). It was such a beautiful message and made me feel so seen, as the whole me, not just as a part of me.
In general, my friendships have been more open and connected. Seeing the girls from Dollar (Laura, Helen, Anja & Eline) was incredible. I’ve known them since I was sixteen. Long-lasting friendships are the best!
And actually not just with my friends, but with everyone. I feel I have more empathy, understanding, space to love and be loved. (Whoa, getting mushy here…) Yeah, I don’t know. I’m kinder to myself, enjoying myself more, and with that comes more space for others.
Morning pages have been going strong. I even wrote them at 2:30 a.m. on Friday last week - before heading out the door to catch a flight to Germany (fucking love Germany btw). I’ve been feeling lighter. I’ve turned into that person who “swears by them” and fully plan on sticking with them after finishing the 12-Weeks. It’s how I imagine people who mediate feel. It’s 10 minutes to shake out the cobwebs, ask for what I want, etc.
When you put something in writing, you can’t hide from it, you can’t pretend no longer. You have to take action! Exciting times ahead!!
One example of this, which is also a moment of synchronicity (lol remember when I thought synchronicity was a pile of cow’s shit), is complaining to the morning pages about my job. Which led me to ask for solutions, which led me to look into renting a shared creative studio space. I typed it into Google and ONE place that met all my requirements came up, and that ONE place had someone ahead of me on the waitlist and that ONE person changed her mind and so I got it. The universe was offering some helping hands!
Honestly, I could go on and on about this week. It was amazing. I loved it.
*Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear - “But the Greeks and the Romans both believed in the idea of an external daemon of creativity—a sort of house elf, if you will, who lived within the walls of your home and who sometimes aided you in your labours. The Romans had a specific term for that helpful house elf. They called it your genius—your guardian deity, the conduit of your inspiration. Which is to say, the Romans didn’t believe that an exceptionally gifted person was a genius; they believed that an exceptionally gifted person had a genius. It’s a subtle but important distinction (being vs. having) and, I think, it’s a wise psychological construct. The idea of an external genius helps to keep the artist’s ego in check, distancing him somewhat from the burden of taking either full credit or full blame for the outcome of his work. If your work is successful, in other words, you are obliged to thank your external genius for the help, thus holding you back from total narcissism. And if your work fails, it’s not entirely your fault. You can say, “Hey, don’t look at me—my genius didn’t show up today!” Either way, the vulnerable human ego is protected. Protected from the corrupting influence of praise. Protected from the corrosive effects of shame.”
